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Like many of you, I have heard every excuse under the sun for why someone can't make it to train.  One of the most annoying and unbelievable, that seems to be on the rise, is for a wife to forbid her husband from training, "because you get hurt." 

Am I alone in hearing this excuse?  When did it become acceptable in our society for this to occur?

I can name off ten guys in the last year alone that quit training a few classes in because their wives didn't like them getting bruised and sore...

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A lot of good feedback, but as is apt to happen, the focus has shifted. The original posting had to do with being sore and having insignificant bruising being used as an excuse to not train. The circumstances mentioned do not involve broken or dislocated bones/joints, injuries that affect movement or the ability to function, or even psychological stressors that damage the psyche.

The individuals I am discussing, who trained under a variety of instructors, received expected soreness from using muscles they do not normally use and minor bruises from their bodies being contacted in manners they were unaccustomed.

These individuals represent data I am collecting for research studies. For example, a male, age 28, developed a solitary blister approximately 1/4" in diameter on his palm from using a stick for 15 minutes in a two hour class. That was enough for him to use his wife's "concern for his well-being" to end his training after one month of training.

Again, we are not discussing 'injuries' above and beyond minor bruising and soreness. My research is concerned with the phenomenon of spouses advocating quitting or their concern being used as a reason to stop.

Thanks for all of the feedback so far! :)

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Why Are they getting Bruised and sore? you are training with weapons no? anyway I have heard more reasons for not training than I care to. and most are becasue wives want them home.(so they can complain to them about their lack of manly behavior I guess). The most common reason I see students leave is money or girlfriends. I have found that if you keep the training interesting and fun you keep them longer. but you cant compete with wives griping. I have around 38 students most do not attend every class due to wives wanting them home. it is aggrivating as hell becasue ten years ago most students came to every class and I had a great bunch of very good students. Now those few are all teaching somewhere and I got a few guys that help the rest are too busy. 

Thanks for the input Jon. Almost every young single guy that gets a girlfriend ends up quitting. If they get married, they start again a few years after they are married. Wives wanting attention has always been an issue, but it seems to have gotten worse in the last few years. :/

I have been training full time since 1978 and teaching since 1983.  I have never experienced such silliness among my colleagues in all of these years.  The wives, husbands and family members among all of our brothers and sisters know what we do and why.  There is no question that we continue to keep ourselves safe and healthy in our pursuit of higher levels of skill and knowledge in the arts.  Choose your path and be true.

  

people will always find a reason to not, the trick is guiding them to find reasons to continue.

I don't have that problem. HALF of my students are female and none of their boyfriends, husbands or parents tell them to quit because they might get hurt.  Likewise with the guys. None of their girlfriends, wives, or parents tell them to quit because they might get hurt. They all do get a little hurt at some point in time but they don't quit. Perhaps it's because I'm teaching here in the Philippines. The culture is slightly different. 

When I trained in the Philippines, I used to take the wife (then we were dating) to class as we always went out afterwards.. I told her then that the martial arts were part of my life and she accepted it.. But as time progressed and we got married, she used to raise a little hell about me going 6 days a week while teaching, but she finally accepted the reason that it was a stress reliever for me from the job.. So after 40 yrs of marriage, she accepts it as part of our life (albeit I just came from a school and she called me asking where I was at because I just worked a 15 hrs shift).. She accepts it as part of my stress reliever program, so its better than sitting at home drinking the case of beer or chasing other women <G>

I have a few dedicated students that train with me in the rain or travel from out of state whenever possible. Some are unable to make training due to their work or university class schedule which are both acceptable excuses. Then I have the ones that train only when the planets are aligned and the temperature is just right. As far as getting hurt, that's a lame excuse unless the teacher is known to be reckless.

My wife has given me contsant chastisement for coming up with swollen hands, welts and the like and she does not like that fact that I got hurt (no training partners now to get hurt by), but she does understand that I love the arts.  Women don't want their men to get hurt as 1) Many women (not all) dislike their family to be in pain, 2) If their man is in pain he cannot often do things they would like aorund the house, 3) Those things include bedroom activity.

Amusingly when I worked for Mitsubishi I went to work one day with a double sized hand and numerous scrapes on my forarms and a couple of grazes on my face.  My boss (Japanese) said "Ah you still do kara-te?"  Not wanting to describe the difference I just told him yes.

When I was training six days week my wife would give me hell about training. My wife of great and generally understands my need to train. Not to mention, martial arts were in the picture before her. But still I have to carefully balance family life and training.

That's quite a familiar refrain.  In fact, I have a friend who runs a martial art school, and his wife complains about his training!  She should be grateful that he's dedicated to keeping himself fit and healthy.

Shame on the man who lets his wife forbid him to do something that enriches his life; likewise shame on the woman who lets her husband do the same. I've seen spouses do this to each other for years, and it's unfortunate. These people are different from the ones who only train when the wind blows in a certain direction...I call them the "casual" students. They really are not interested in learning an art, just in doing something for a few hours once in while. There are a lot of casual students out there, and I think it's more common now because there are so many more things that they can do besides train that weren't around years ago (reality shows, social media, etc.) They train when all the other things on their list are not available.

Diane, thanks for the feedback!

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